Insecure
by Never-strike-twice
Summary: Hord's life, focusing on the little things that made him the insecure almost-man that he is in Wolf Brother.
1. Chapter 1

Hord and Renn are wrestling in the Raven camp. Hord is five. Their father walks up to them and watches as they play fight. Renn scratches Hord's arm, causing him to release his grip on her hair. She pushes him and he stumbles, momentarily off balance. Before he can straighten up, Renn charges at his stomach, head first. The wind is knocked out of him and he falls to the ground. Renn leaves him, running up to their father. His arms are outstretched. He picks Renn up and swings her around, laughing. His joy and love is reflected in his eyes.

Hord gets up, dusting himself down. He can't believe he let himself be beaten by his sister. After all, Renn is only three, and tiny. He walks over to his father, who has put Renn down and is looking at him. His father holds his arms out. But he is no longer laughing, and there is no joy in his eyes.

Hord knows that his sister is unpopular in the clan, feared almost as much as the mage, whereas he is popular, with people laughing and saying that he will be the next clan leader, after his uncle. They are only partly joking. The little boy already shows promise, as far as a five-year-old can ever do so. He is only ever beaten by his sister when he fights, and even then not often. He shows signs of one day being a strong man.

But he is still jealous of his sister's power. As soon as she could talk, Renn began to tell people about her dreams, and being unsurprised when they came true. She is too young to understand her gift; she only knows that it makes her unpopular in the clan. The only people who truly do not fear her are Hord, Saeunn, their father and Fin Kedinn. Others treat her with respect, but they fear her and she knows it. Maybe this is why her father so openly loves her. But whatever the reason, it hurts Hord.

Renn still has the confidence of a little child who can do no wrong. Hord is beginning to lose that confidence, chewing his fingernails and glancing over his shoulders. He worries that he will not be best, that he will be beaten, that he will be laughed at. When he is not beaten he becomes proud and arrogant, just like most five-year-old boys. But he worries that his fall is coming, and so becomes ever more nervous, less trusting.

Today is one of the days where he doesn't win. He feels that his father's obvious preference for his sister is some kind of reward for winning. He knows that he doesn't even receive the slightest bit of praise for winning. In his heart of hearts he knows that this is because Renn is younger, winning is more of an achievement. And he knows that his father's lack of love in his greeting has nothing to do with his sister's victory. And he vows to himself that he will make his father proud.


	2. Chapter 2: Hord's mother

Hord's father has never told him who his mother is. He doesn't really care. But one day he finds out.

Hord follows his father as he leaves on a 'hunting' trip without his bow or his knife. He follows him deep into the forest. His father stops suddenly, and Hord crouches behind a bush so as not to be seen. His father stays still, waiting, listening. Hord is worrying that he has been heard, that any minute now he would be picked up from behind the bush, and his father would be angry. He is seven years old.

His worries vanish when a woman steps out from behind a tree. She taps Hord's father on the shoulder, causing him to jump and spin around. He smiles; he was expecting her. She smiles back.

This woman is startlingly beautiful. Her features are snakelike, dangerous. From where he is crouching, he can most clearly see her feet. She wears no boots. Her feet are pale, high-arched and slender; like Renn's feet only much, much bigger. Now that he has noticed this, he sees other similarities to Renn: the thin wrists, the high, thin eyebrows. He also sees what he, Renn and her share: the same rich, red colour of their hair.

Mages do not come from nowhere and Renn has the power of a mage and will be one when she is older. This woman looks like Renn and Hord, so she must be their mother, therefore she must be a mage. Hord finds this easy enough to believe; her hair whips around her face in a wind that has affected neither him nor his father and her face holds terrifying power.

She has power over Hord's father; you would have to be blind not to notice it. Hord can see it in the way he leans towards her, reaching out to touch her face, and being stopped as she moves back, stopping him. He can see it in the way she smiles; it is the smile of a person who knows they have what they need and do not care what happens to anyone else. This makes Hord fear for his father, and pity him. He fears the strange, beautiful woman and mistrusts her. His gut, as well as his head, tells him that she is evil. He wants to run to his father, to protect him and to be protected, but he is too afraid.

Hord is afraid of the woman, but more than that he is afraid of his father. He is afraid that his father will be angry that he was followed. But most of all, he is afraid that his father will not react to seeing him at all. That he will not shout, or laugh, or even raise his eyebrows at Hord's disobedience. He is afraid that he will simply be ignored, pushed to the side in favour of the strange woman.

The woman runs her hand down his father's cheek and neck. Hord's father leans in eagerly. She curls her fingers slightly, so that the nails cut into the skin. Then she turns, and melts silently back into the forest. Hord's father falls to his knees, four bright, bleeding scratches on his neck. There are tears running down his face. Hord is sure that his father is not crying from pain – he is a hunter, a full-grown man. The scratches are not deep. Hord realises that his father is crying from another kind of pain. He loved this woman as he loves Renn and does not love Hord.

Hord wants to comfort his father, but he too is hurting. He does not weep, but he mourns the fact that his father loves something – Hord cannot think of the woman as human – so much more than he loves his son. He lets a ball of hatred curl up in his chest. Not hatred of his father. Hatred of himself.

A small, redheaded figure runs out from behind a tree and into her father's arms. Hord's father holds Renn close, crying into her hair. Hord curses his stupidity. He was followed! He knows that a hunter must always look behind him, and that he didn't. He remembers signs that he was being followed: leaves crackling, a twig snapping. He had dismissed them as signs of his nervousness. Now he knows better.

Renn must have followed him, so she must know that he is here. He steps out from his hiding place. Renn and their father do not notice. And because Renn's head is on their father's shoulder and their father has his eyes closed, only Hord notices the viper a few feet away, hissing as it slithers back towards its mistress.


	3. Chapter 3

Hord is nine years old. His father has been missing all winter. He is shivering on the edge of the forest, waiting for the hunters to return with news of his father. They return. From the way they shake their heads he can tell that they do not bear good news. They address Fin Kedinn.

"He's dead. We found his body on the ice river."

_The ice river._ Even the name sends shivers down Hord's spine. He does not understand what it is, only that it is sleeping, and can be woken up only too easily. He knows that if you wake the ice river, you are dead. This is what happened to his father.

Renn walks towards him. She is seven years old now, no longer a child to be shrugged off and left at home. Hord can sense the sadness in her. She understands that this is a time for closeness and comfort, so she goes up to Hord and hugs him. He does not. He shoves her off roughly. Until now, she has not cried, and although she is shaking she could plausibly pass it off as cold. Now anger and grief combine and become too much. She cries, sobs shaking her frame in a way that only a complete fool could mistake for cold.

Fin Kedinn approaches. Renn runs up to him, but instead of embracing him in her usual manner she begins to hit him blindly. Not caring what damage she causes or that her uncle sent a search party as soon as it was safe, she hits out at him. He just stands there and lets her hit him. Eventually, as her assault provides no reaction, Renn slows and stops. Their uncle puts his arms around her, holding her close. She hugs him back, sobbing into his chest. When she has calmed down, Fin Kedinn crouches down, holding Hord's little sister by the shoulders and looking into her black eyes.

"I will look after you now." He says. "Both of you." He adds, looking at Hord. Hord ignores him. He, like Renn, is looking for someone to blame for their father's death. He chooses to blame the man who was so quick to try and take up his father's position. By the time they get back to camp, several days later, Hord has realised that his uncle means nothing but good for them, and that he was acting for the best.

Only when he is back at camp several days later does Hord allow himself to grieve. He sits by the river, where spray can be blamed for a wet face, and cries for his father. He needs somebody to blame, so he blames himself. He knows that his father had not gone on a hunting trip. Only a fool or a madman goes hunting on the ice river, where there is no pray. His father was neither a fool nor a madman, so he was not hunting pray. But Hord is sure that he was hunting something.

Hord sits this way for several hours. Eventually he realises that there is only one creature which his father cared enough about to go hunting for in the middle of winter in such a dangerous place. Hord's mother. The mage. For this Hord blames himself. If he could have been better at what he was taught and made his father proud, or been more loving, he could have filled the gap in his father's soul where it had been broken by the mage. Or if he could have realised sooner where his father was going and made him stay.

Hord does not consider that Fin Kedinn might have known where he was going and been unable to stop him, or that the hole in his father's soul was too deep to be filled. He just cries, and tightens the ball of self-hate in his chest until his vision goes red with anger for himself.

He decides that everybody should feel as second-rate as he does, because if he cannot feel that he is the best, no-one should be able to. So he determines to work hard, to become the best hunter in the clan, the best fighter, the best tracker. And he decides that when his uncle dies, or can no longer cope, he will become clan leader. He loves his uncle and he loves his sister, but he puts these aside in favour of a bigger, more important aim: to be the best.


	4. Chapter 4

Hord arrives back at camp, tired after a hunt. He is feeling miserable and stupid, because the hunt failed. He knows that it is not his fault, because he saw one of the other boys twitch, making the leave crackle so that the deer bolted. But his shots at the ducks and wood pigeons had missed as well. He only knows one person who can aim at a scared wood pigeon in flight and hit. His little sister. Ten-year-old Renn is already the best shot in the clan. And he, Hord, comes back from a hunt with no prey. A twelve-year-old should be able to bring something back, if only a grouse.

Dyrati, a Raven girl a little younger than him, approaches. She has lately been showing more of an interest in Hord. He is annoyed, because he has no interest in girls, but also pleased and flattered. Dyrati is useful too. She saves food for Hord when he misses meals, and makes sure no scrapes or cuts get dirty or go bad. Anything to show Hord that she cares.

"Hello!" she says.

"Hello"

"Any luck?"

"No. Only Renn could have shot a bird like that. And someone made a noise and the deer ran."

A shadow of a frown crosses Dyrati's face at the mention of Renn. She doesn't like Hord's sister. He thinks she might be scared of her. Hord has seen her make spiteful comments to Renn several times. It occurs to Hord that he could intervene, stop Dyrati's bullying, but he doesn't really want to. Renn is the best at mage craft and at shooting. She had their father's love, and now she has Fin Kedinn's. Why should Hord intercede on her behalf? He conveniently forgets all the times that Renn has helped him, and told him things that she had been told by Saeunn that she had no interest in and Hord wanted –still wants- so desperately to know.

"Ah, well. You'll do better next time." says Dyrati.

"I hope so."

"Would you like some food?"

"I'd love some."

Dyrati sits down beside Hord as he eats. He is slightly bothered by this, but decides to let it pass. When he has finished, she takes his bowl away. He sits staring at the fire and chewing his nails. Dyrati comes back a few minutes later. He does not look around as she sits back down, and so does not notice that she is staring at him. Eventually he becomes aware of it, and looks up, about to ask her what she's doing.

Dyrati leans over and kisses his cheek. He looks at her surprised and flattered.

"I really like you, Hord. I mean... Actually, I'm not sure what I mean." Dyrati frowns, trying to sort out her thoughts. Hord is about to offer a sharp, cutting rejection when he realises that Dyrati's attachment to him could be used to his advantage. He tries to think of what to say... what do girls like to hear? He doesn't dislike Dyrati, and he adores being loved, so he doesn't want to hurt her...

"I know what you mean. I like you to Dyrati. I really like you. You're sweet and kind and you help me so much. I don't know what I'd no without you." He kisses her cheek. Dyrati is delighted.

"I thought... But why would _you _like _me_? I mean, your uncle's the clan leader. You'll probably be clan leader when you're older. And I'm just...me."

"But that's what I want. Just you. Because you're a lovely, special person." Dyrati blushes and smiles. Hord mentally pats himself on the back. Either he's good at pleasing girls, or Dyrati is _really_ stupid. But he does wonder about the latter. At this moment he sees Renn staring at them. He curses inwardly. Whatever else she is, Renn is his sister. And _nothing_ will stop her teasing him about this one.


	5. Chapter 5

Hord is thirteen years old. He has just arrived at the red deer camp. They have fostered him, so that he can learn magecraft. They are reputed to be the best clan at magecraft and Hord likes to be the best. He was eager to come here. But now he looks around the camp, he is not so sure. Many of the people have red ochre in their hair. This keeps it plastered back from their faces, making them look less human. Hord represses a shudder. Eerie.

It is darker in the deep forest, and the trees grow closer together. It is a bright, sunny day, but the dense leaf cover makes it cold and dark. This shadows dance around the floor. They dance on faces too. The red deer are wearing browns and greens. They blend in with the shadows, making them hard to see. Something about the way they seem to shimmer in and out of sight reminds Hord of what he has been told of the hidden people.

Hord is still in his Open Forest clothes. The mage, Durrain, comes up to him. She is holding a bundle. She hands it to him.

"These are deep forest clothes. Much better than the ones you're wearing. Put them on. Then come and find me. I will start to teach you today." Hord is surprised. He had expected to wait at least a few days before he began learning. But he obeys.

A few moments later, Hord leaves the shelter where he is to sleep. He has put on the clothes, but has cut his clan creature skin off of his Raven clothes and sewn it on to his new ones. He finds Durrain sitting by the fire. She nods at him, and gestures for him to sit down. He does so. She closes her eyes, apparently oblivious to the fact that Hord is waiting for her to speak. He sits still, looking around at the people bustling about. Unlike the raven camp, the Red Deer camp is almost silent. Hord is unnerved.

Durrain opens her eyes. She looks him up and down. Then, gesturing to him to stay still, she walks around him in a slow circle, never taking her eyes off him. Then she sits back down and stares at the fire. Suddenly, she speaks.

"Why do you want to learn magecraft?"

Hord frowns, thinking about this. He has never really considered it. He thinks: _Because I want to be the best at everything, but my sister has the skill. So that people fear me. So that I can hurt people. Because I want my sister's respect. Because I want Fin Kedinn to be proud. To make my father's spirit realise that _I_ am the better sibling._ He says:

"I believe that my mother was a mage."

Durrain nods. "Yes. I believe she was. And?"

"I want to understand how things work. Hunting won't give me that."

"Good reasons. But nobody can understand how things work, save the World Spirit only. And skill at magecraft is not certain just because one of your parents is a mage. Your sister has some skill, I believe. But you do not. There are many things that I can teach you, and you will be a better person for learning them, but I do not think that you will ever be a mage. Skilled, certainly. A mage? I think not."

Hord clenches his fists. Yet again. His sister is recognised to have power that she doesn't want, that she doesn't even understand and he has nothing. Well, he will prove Durrain wrong! He decides that he will learn everything he can, and that he will do everything within his power to become a mage.

Everything within his power... Hord flinches. For all his rebellious thoughts, he knows that some things are not in his power. And he knows that becoming a mage is one of them.

He talks to Durrain for a while longer, then stands up and begins to walk back to his shelter. He stumbles and nearly falls, catching himself at the last moment. A boy around his own age snorts with laughter. Unable to cope with any more humiliation, Hord lashes out at the boy, punching him in the face. The boy does not respond. Blood drips from his nose and lip, but he just stands and stares at Hord.

"The Red Deer do not fight." Says Durrain quietly. "And while you are with us, neither will you."

Hord is angry. He feels like shouting that he is not Red Deer, that he will do what he likes. Then he remembers that this clan have fostered him. He knows that he could still rebel, that he could knock Durrain down right now. But he also knows that he will not do so. Because she is a mage, and mages have power.


	6. Chapter 6

Hord has been staying with the Red Deer clan for just over a moon. He has learned everything he can, but as he suspected when he first arrives he has no skill as a mage. However, the Red Deer have changed him. He is calmer, and he no longer sees fighting as the solution to everything. Some things, maybe, but not everything. He has learned to submit to those with more authority. But the scared, hating Hord is still there, just below the surface. He is scared that he feels this in himself, but part of him nurtures his hate as his power, as what drives him on.

The Red Deer clan are quieter and more peaceful than the Ravens. Durrain sensed something of his fear and anger when they first met, and she has attempted to heal him with the opposite attitude. It is just starting to work. Hord feels himself beginning to heal. It is slow and painful, and many old wounds have been opened up. They have not quite closed, so Hord is sensitive and moody, and he is not learning as well as he had been.

There is a visitor to the Red Deer clan. He is Willow clan. He is rippled, and walks with a limp. There are burns on his face. Hord wonders how he got them. He does not ask, however, because he senses that the crippled wanderer also has open wounds, and he avoids the subject. Hord likes the crippled wanderer. He has a warm, friendly voice, which makes up for his slightly frightening appearance. Hord finds the voice hypnotising, and listening to it makes him feel calm and happy.

Hord goes to speak to him now. The crippled wanderer smiles at him, as always.

"Hello," says the crippled wanderer, "How are you feeling? I understand that you were hurt yesterday."

Hord nods. He had tripped over a tree root and fallen sprawling, cutting his eyelid on a twig. It had swollen up and he had been unable to open his eye. But Durrain had cleaned it and put a poultice on it, and now it is much better.

"It was nothing. It's much better now. Thank you for your concern."

"I'm glad it's healing."

"Thank you." Hord says again. He is starting to feel slightly awkward, so he changes the subject. "I hear that you are leaving us in a few days. I'm sorry about that."

The crippled wanderer smiles. "So am I. Actually, there is something that you could do for me."

"Of course."

"I need a bear. As you probably know, I am a mage. I need a bear for a spell. But of course, I cannot catch one myself." He hesitates. "Durrain does not entirely approve. I would rather you kept this private."

"Of course."

"Thank you."

Hord leaves the camp quietly. He knows that hunting the bear at night will be harder, but it will also be easier to keep secret. He catches a strong, young bear without too much trouble, coming across it as it sleeps. He drags it back to the camp. It struggles. Good. It is strong.

He hand the bear over to the crippled wanderer. He sees a flash of something – glee? Determination? – On the Willow man's face. It is this that makes him hide a short distance away and watch.

The crippled wanderer pulls out something that glows red. He begins to chant, slowly and loudly. Hord hears things shuffling in the air around him. He waits, trying to work out what the crippled wanderer is doing. Then it comes to him. The crippled wanderer is summoning a demon!

He runs out from his hiding place.

"STOP!" He yells. "You can't do this!" He is too late. The crippled wanderer has already given the bear to the demon. The bear is already possessed.

The crippled wanderer shouts something. Hord does no t know what was said, but he feels all the wounds that were beginning to heal being ripped open. He feels every bit of anger and fear and hate coming to the surface at once, so that he is overwhelmed and scared. But he does not want to be scared. With a huge effort, Hord pushes down everything he is feeling and follows the crippled wanderer, whose limp has disappeared, after the bear, which is trampling the undergrowth, heading towards the Red Deer camp.

Hord arrives at the camp to a scene of utter devastation. A dead woman is lying on the ground outside one of the shelters. Her mate is crouched over her, tears cascading down his face. He stares up at the crippled wanderer.

"You did this." He says.

The crippled wanderer smiles.

"I did. I take full credit for it." He pauses. "Well, not quite all. You see, your little Raven friend kindly caught the bear for me." He leaves the camp at a run. Nobody moves to shock him. Everyone is focused on Hord.

The mate of the dead woman speaks.

"Raven. You did this. I swear on all my three souls that I will hate you until I die, and after I die, my spirit will haunt you."

Hord hears this. But he feels nothing. Not guilt, not sadness, not fear. He just stands and stares after the crippled wanderer.


	7. Chapter 7

**Some of the lines in this chapter are taken directly from 'Wolf Brother'.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Chronicles of ancient darkness**

Hord has been hunting with Renn and Oslak for four days. He is confident that they will be successful – after all, they are on their land, hunting their deer. On the fourth day, they realise that the reason they have not been successful is that there are no more tracks. They go back to where they had last seen them, three days before. They follow them as far as they can. The tracks end in a patch of alders, by a stream. The ground is disturbed. Oslak bends down to the ground for a closer look. Hord is impatient. What can you see?

"There's a smudge of blood. And human footprints." Hord's hand tightens around his axe.

"Someone has stolen our buck." He says. Oslak nods. In silence, the three of them turn and follow the footprints.

They do not lead far. About two hundred paces from the stream, there are signs of a camp: a few spruces are bent, and there are the remains of a fire built in an odd, star – shaped pattern. The camp is abandoned. There is a fresh set of footprints leading away from it. They follow them. After about half an hour of walking, they come across a slight boy with dark hair. Oslak nods to Hord and Renn. They each nock an arrow to their bow and train them on the boy.

Oslak creeps up behind him. The boy does not look around. _Idiot. _Hord thinks. _Doesn't he know always to look behind him? _Oslak grabs the boy by the back of his jerkin and lifts him off his feet. Hord and Renn move forward, their arrows still trained on him.

Hord sees the boys look around, glancing at him and Renn. He aims a punch at Oslak. He misses, but Hord finds himself unwillingly admiring the boy's courage.

"Let me go," he gasps.

Oslak only lifts him higher. "So here's our thief." He says. The boy puts a hand to his throat.

"I'm not a thief!" Hord looks at him coolly.

"He's lying." He says. Renn joins in:

"You took our roe buck." Then to Oslak: "Oslak, I think you're choking him."

Hord feels a stab of annoyance. _Why do you care if Oslak chokes him? If it was me you wouldn't care. And this boy is your enemy. _Oslak puts the boy down, but keeps the knife at his throat. Renn lowers her bow, but Hord doesn't. Now that he is in control, he is having fun. He knows that he looks confident – the boy looks scared – but in his heart he doubts that he could actually shoot the boy.

The boy is either brave or stupid. He reaches for his knife.

"I'll take that." Says Oslak, taking his weapons. He throws them to Renn. Hord is annoyed. The weapons should have gone to him, not his little sister. He knows that this is stupid – he is holding his bow, so he couldn't take the weapons, but a part of him feels that this shows that Renn is more important than him.

Renn examines the boy's leaf – shaped knife. "Did you steal this too?" she asks.

"No! It – it was my father's." The boy shuffles. Lying. Hord glances at Renn. She has clearly reached the same conclusion.

"You said I took your buck – how could it be yours?" Hord stares at the boy. Not brave, then – stupid.

"This is our part of the forest," he replies.

The boy looks confused. "What do you mean? The forest doesn't belong to anyone – "

"It does now," Hord snaps back. "It was agreed at the clan meet. Because of..." Suddenly Hord remembers exactly why the forest has been divided up. Whose fault it is. He feels like screaming. He can hear a voice in his head. _Because of you. Because you were stupid, and you didn't listen to Durrain. It's all your fault. Yours!_ He tries again.

"What matters is that you took our prey. That means death."

The boy begins to sweat. He is scared. Good. Hord feels powerful, as if it were really him who had the power of life and death over this boy, instead of the clans. For a second, he almost smiles. Almost.

"If – if it's the buck you're after," the boy says, "take it and let me go. It's in my pack. I haven't eaten much."

Hord can sense Renn and Oslak glancing at one another, thinking it over. But he is scornful. Why would he relinquish the power he has over this boy for a bit of meat? He tosses his head.

"It isn't that simple. You're my captive. Oslak, tie his hands. We're taking him to Fin-Kedinn."

"Where's that?" the boy asks. Hord wants to let him wonder, but Oslak replies:

"It's not a place. It's a man."

"Don't you know anything?" Renn sneers. Hord is wondering the same thing. Well, since the boy has some information, a bit more can't hurt.

"Fin-Kedinn is my uncle," he says. The boy doesn't need to know that Fin-Kedinn prefers Renn. "He's the leader of our clan. I am Hord, his brother's son."

"What clan? Where are you taking me?" None of them reply. No more giving out information. Oslak shoves the boy, knocking him over. He looks behind him, and seems to see something that scares him. He says something that Hord doesn't catch. Neither does Oslak, because he says

"What did you say?" The boy doesn't reply, but mutters something again. A wolf cub runs for the boy. Hord is surprised. This is the last thing that he was expecting. Oslak grabs t cub.

"What's this?"

The boy is suddenly furious. "Let him go!" He yells. "Let him go or I'll kill you!" Oslak and Renn laugh. Hord doesn't find it funny. Suddenly he is scared of the boy. What kind of person is so attached to a wolf? "Let him _go!_" He's not doing you any harm!"

Hord decides that he would be happy to oblige.

"Just chase it away and let's go." _Chase it away! Get rid of it! There is something unnatural about it!_

"No!" The boy yells. "He's my gui – no!"

Renn looks suspicious. "He's your what?" Just what Hord was wondering.

"He's with me." The boy mutters. _Liar! _Hord thinks. _That wasn't what you were going to say._

"Come on Renn," he says to his sister. "Let's go."

Renn was still staring at the boy. She put the cub into a bag. Hord does not hear what she says to the boy. He understands. Renn has found a way to control the boy. She is in charge now. Hord feels miserable, beaten. His sister has had the better idea. Again. He has been beaten.

Again


	8. Chapter 8

**Again, I'm sorry, quite a lot of the lines are taken straight from the book.**

The four of them cross the river into the camp. Dyrati looks up from where she is sitting by the cooking skin and smiles.

"We saved you some broth," she says. Renn turns to Hord, rolling her eyes.

"Dyrati saved you some broth."

Hord keeps his face blank, but he groans internally. He _knew _that Renn wouldn't stop talking about him and Dyrati. And he is angry with Dyrati for talking to him like that. It makes him feel foolish. But still, he is pleased that she saved him food. He is hungry.

Hord walks over to Fin-Kedinn and tells him what has happened. In an attempt to impress him uncle, he speaks as though he had caught the boy. He knows that Oslak won't mind, but he feels Renn glare at him. For a moment, he is afraid that she will tell Fin-Kedinn the truth, but then he realises that she is not petty enough to tell, and that it makes no difference anyway. His uncle's piercing blue eyes seemed to see into his soul, baring every bit of darkness, every thought for Fin-Kedinn to read.

When Hord has finished speaking, Fin-Kedinn nods and pushes the boy towards them. Hord takes a step back. The matter is out of his control now.

"What is your name?" Fin-Kedinn asks. His voice is quiet and threatening. The boy licks his lips, and Hord sees that he has felt it as well.

"Torak – What's yours?" The boy says rudely. Hord is angry. This boy is sentenced to death, and yet he still finds the courage to ask questions. He is braver than Hord. Hord replies for Fin-Kedinn.

"He is Fin-Kedinn. Leader of the Raven Clan. And you, you miserable little runt, should learn more respect –. "

Fin-Kedinn gives Hord a look. He stops talking, and looks down, feeling stupid.

"What clan are you?" Fin-Kedinn asks the boy – Torak.

The boy looks up. "Wolf." There is pride in his voice.

"Well, there's a surprise." Renn remarks. Some people laugh. Hord feels jealous. It should be him that makes the witty remarks, him that makes people laugh. But it's always Renn. Clever, talented Renn. Fin-Kedinn does not laugh though. He continues to question the boy.

"What are you doing in this part of the Forest?"

"Heading north." Says Torak. Hord expects more, some kind of explanation, but none is forthcoming. He feels that he should say something.

"I told him it belongs to us now."

"How could I know that? I wasn't at the clan meet." Torak is defensive. Hord is not surprised. He would be too, if his life depended on it.

"Why not?" Fin-Kedinn asks. The boy does not reply. Fin-Kedinn stares at him.

"Where are the rest of your clan?"

"I don't know. I've never lived with them. I live – lived – with my father." Hord stares at him. His face is open and he stares straight at Fin-Kedinn. He is telling the truth.

"Where is he?" Fin-Kedinn asks.

"Dead. He was – killed by a bear." Hord feels a pang of guilt another one killed by the bear. Another man he has killed. But he still does not pity the boy. He took their prey, he deserves to die. It doesn't matter who killed his father. In his mind, that is how things are and how they should be.

Behind Hord, the Ravens shuffle nervously. They know about the bear, and they feel it. But they do not know that it is Hord's fault. And they won't.

Fin-Kedinn, who knows Hord's guilt, does not react.

"And who was your father?"

The boy swallows, and names his father's parents. Hord is watching Fin-Kedinn closely. He can never read his uncles emotions, and so he is surprised and alarmed when he sees a flash of recognition cross Fin-Kedinn's face. It is gone in an instant. Fin-Kedinn stands in silence, thinking. Then he speaks:

"Share out the boy's things between everyone. Then take him downstream and kill him." None of the Ravens are surprised by Fin-Kedinn's words. But the boy is horrified.

"Wh-at?" he says. "I didn't even know the buck was yours! How can I be guilty if I didn't know?"

"It's the law." Fin-Kedinn replies passively.

"Why? _Why?_ Because you say so?" The boy is rude; Hord longs to teach him some manners. Nobody questions Fin-Kedinn. If Hord isn't allowed to do it, why should this insignificant thief get away with it? But he remains silent. Fin-Kedinn answers calmly:

"Because the clans say so." Oslak puts a hand on the boy's shoulder, and Hord expects that to be the end of the matter. But the boy continues to fight back.

"No!" he cries. "Listen! You say it's the law, but - there's another law, isn't there? Trial by combat. We – we fight for it." Fin-Kedinn's eyes narrow, Hord can tell that he did not expect this. The boy presses on:

"I'm right, aren't I?" He stares Fin-Kedinn in the eye. "You don't know for sure if I'm guilty, because you don't know whether I actually _knew_ the buck was yours. So we fight. You and me. If I win, I'm innocent. I live. I mean, me and the wolf. If I lose - we die."

Hord knows that Fin-Kedinn will refuse. But he also knows that the boy is right. Suddenly, he knows what will happen.

"I don't fight boys," says Fin-Kedinn.

"But he's right, isn't he?" Renn puts in. "It's the oldest law of all. He has a right to fight." She knows too. Their uncle has taught them well.

Hord steps forward. "I'll fight him. I'm closer to him in age. It'll be fairer." As he says this, Hord knows that this fight is important. It is the difference between life and death. Of course, this is for the boy. But in a sense, Hord feels that it means life or death for him too. He looks the boy up and down, weighing him up as an opponent. He is taller, stronger, older. This is a fight that he can win. But somehow, he feels that this is a fight he has to win.

Hord feels omnipotent. He holds the boy's life in his hands. But suddenly, he thinks of the other lives he had in his hands, even when he did not know it. And he knows that he will make the same choice again, and suddenly, he is not so sure that it is the right one.


	9. Chapter 9

Fin-Kedinn agrees. What else can he do? The law gives the boy a right to fight. Hord is the obvious choice. Hord begins to prepare for the fight. He checks the point of his spear, and strips off his jerkin. Looking at the boy, he sees that he is looking at him apprehensively, and has kept his jerkin on. Good.

Hord has a drink. Then stands and watches his opponent prepare for the fight. He sees Renn go over to the boy and give him a drink. Hord is angry. Renn is his sister. She should be supporting him, not giving his opponent a drink! She didn't offer him a drink! He knows that he has already had a drink, and that Renn knows that, but it does not lessen the jealousy he feels.

Torak and Hord step forward. A hush falls over the watching Ravens. The fight begins. They circle one another tentatively. Hord is relaxed. For once, he is the centre of attention. He lunges for the boy's chest with his spear. The boy dodges, and then tries the same move. The Ravens jeer and Hord realises with surprise and pleasure that the boy has no fighting experience. This is going to be easy.

They begin to move faster. He jabs his spear at Hord's throat. Hord blocks it with his guard-arm, and then blocks the jab at his belly easily. That is the oldest trick in the book. The boy hasn't a prayer.

A Raven man yells at Hord.

"Come on, Hord, give him the red skin!" Hord grins. Now he believes there to be no danger, he decides to prolong the fight a little, enjoy it.

"Give me time." He replies. He lets his guard down a little: there is no threat.

The boy hits out wildly; yet another sign of his incompetence. Hord takes his chance, and lunges for his chest. The boy's guard-arm swings across to meet it, and Hord realises that he has been tricked. Although the strength of his lunge nearly knocked the boy of his feet, Hord's spear is now stuck in the boy's wrist guard. The boy twists his wrist upwards, breaking Hord's spear. Hord feels like a fool. But he reacts fast. He jabs his knife into the boy's spear hand. The boy falls over and drops his spear. He rolls out the way as Hord attacks again, and takes shelter behind the fire.

Some of the men shout at Hord to hurry up. He knows that they are embarrassed that he hasn't yet beaten this inexperienced boy. Listening to the Ravens, he hears some people shouting for the boy. He is angry with himself – how could he let the fight go on so long that he lost support from his own clan? He has to up his game. He needs to win, and quickly, before the rest of the clan turn against him.

The boy emerges from behind the fire and the fight is resumed. He loses concentration for a second, and Hord takes advantage of it, attempting to slash his knife across the boy's throat. The boy dodges behind the fire again. Hord is pleased. The boy is scared – he is hiding from the fight.

"Hiding again?" He taunts. To his surprise, the boy seems relatively calm.

"I want a drink. All right?"

"If you must. _Boy."_

The boy drinks slowly. Hord wonders if he is planning to use the water somehow – maybe throw it over Hord. He moves closer, to see. He makes himself as big as he can. He might as well try to scare the boy at the same time. It doesn't work.

"You want a drink too?"

Hord snorts, feigning contempt, but in reality, he is impressed by the boy's calm.

Without getting up, the boy jabs out. Thinking that he is going for his ankles, Hord steps back. But the boy hadn't been aiming for him. The cooking-skin bubbling over the fire upends. The air fills with steam.

Hord cannot see. He is surrounded by a cloud of steam. He can see nothing but white. Suddenly, he feels a stabbing pain in the wrist of his knife-arm. He howls in agony, dropping his knife. He feels the boy throw himself at him, and flies over backwards, the boy on top of him. The boy kneels of his arms and grabs a handful of his hair, bashing his head against the ground. Hord can smell the boy's sweat, hear his breathe speeding up, and suddenly he fears for his life.

But then the boy is pulled backwards, and Hord hears Fin-Kedinn's voice.

"It's over."

Hord jumps up, grabbing his knife. In his eyes, the fight is anything _but_ over. The boy cheated! He used fire! He stands panting, facing the boy.

"I said it's _over_." Fin-Kedinn snaps. Hord thinks that he can feel the words physically pull him back. He drops his head.

There is chaos among the clan: many of them think the boy cheated. But Hord knows that it doesn't matter. Fin-Kedinn has said that the fight is over: the fight is over. It is clear to Hord. He has lost. What is more, he has lost to a scrawny, inexperienced boy who cannot be older than Renn. Hord feels two familiar emotions wash over him. Defeat: he lost. He is the best fighter in the clan. The only person who has ever beaten him is Renn. But now he has lost. He is beaten. He is defeated. And now all the clan know that he is weak and stupid. A fool.

The other emotion is humiliation. Waves of it wash over Hord. He can feel the many layers of it soaking into his skin. He was sure that he would win. He was cocky. But now the whole clan has seen him at the mercy of a half-grown boy. Now the whole clan knows that, if not for the intervention of his uncle, he would have been killed by the scrawny Wolf thief.

Yet again, Hord has been beaten. Yet again, his opponent was not his match. He was the stronger, the more experienced. But he lost. The boy used his wits. Hord did not. So the boy won.

Hord knows better than most what it is like to lose. He had convinced himself that this was a fight where he was sure to win. He was wrong. He has failed. Again.

But Hord vows to himself that he will not lose again, not to anyone. He will be the strongest, the fastest, the cleverest. And he will be clan leader. He vows to make himself unbeatable. This is not the first time that he has done this. But this time, he is prepared to give whatever it takes. Nothing is worth that kind of defeat.

Not even his souls.


End file.
